Global Warming my butt

So.. about this global warming thing.. you wouldn't know that by the weather we are having.... record colds tonight, more snow in the forecast for tomorrow. When will it end? Seriously, I have made the choice to stay at home for most days, just b/c I really don't want to spend any money that I don't have. But now, that I am told it is safer to stay home, that OTHER people out there don't know how to drive in this, plus you think Washington would make their roads winter traversable. NOPE. And when I do venture out (was in a strong need food) I encountered "mountain men", ohh scarrrryy, and 3/4 of the people were just pissy. Hell, sorry that the snow disrupted your work week. Must be rough to have a job that makes you money and then getting a "snow day" as a break. Oh, well there I go again, being dark and bitter. Alrighty folks. I really don't care what they say the weather is I am going to get out of the house before I go ballistic!!

Week of the crazies

We, as most people know, are having some pretty wacky weather. It started with having the wetest November in recorded history by the middle of the month. And then having a phenomenial lighting storm just before Thanksgiving...

Now we are having some crazy snow. Tonight the first Monday Night Football game that the Seahawks have ever played in snow (at home). I keep hearing from people about how slick it is, how miserable the travel is. Well I think I may have to find out about that and go out for a nice fun drive tomorrow. I know what you are already saying, "but Penny you have 4 wheel drive." Ha.. like I would use it.

Okay kids.. I am going to run, OBTW the photos I have used are from komotv.com. Please check out more of their photos from the winter weather. at http://komotv.com/weather/photos

Would you handle it/acted differently

So this is another post for my Seattle friends... so if you are reading it most of it won't pertain to you, but feel free to continue the blog... it may amuse you or make you think.
So late last week I got a phone call from one of the applications that I had sent in, telling me that they had filled their position, but would forward my application onto another department if that was okay with me. I got an email late that evening and did a phone interview the very next day. They said that they should be back to me on Friday since I would be expected to be in Hawaii on Wednesday Nov 29... Wow... craziness...
This may explain my high-strung previous postings. Basically it was hitting me... dude, I really don't know how much time I have back with my friends and yet it feels like they really don't care that I am back. I had to think about when I was gone, most contact was by me... but then again when I was working 60-70 hours a week and had shitty cell service it pretty much had to be me. I just feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, disoriented, as I am every time I disappear from here for awhile, fighting myself and the world all at once, and starting over. Everyone around me has moved ahead with their lives in the 6 months I was going, but in returning, I feel like I am picking up right where I was when I left. Hard, very hard, to comprehend just exactly how or what I am feeling, but I am trying to as best I can.
Basically bringing me to the subject line... how would you handle this differently... to being disoriented, going through severe culture shock from being with animals 24-7 in butthole, tx… to being back among society. Any thoughts?? Feel free to share; you don't need to tell me how nuts I am, what kind of medication I must be on or should be put on, or something completely irrelevant, mean, or just plain rude.. I will delete it; you can count on that... knowing my uneventful life at this moment probably almost immediately.

In other news.. check out this link to a crazy photo taken today in Seattle. Wamu building in center, Space needle to the right.http://www.komotv.com/weather/photos/4712076.html?t=a

Sleepless in Seattle

So last night’s blog was suppose to make me feel better; well let me tell you it failed, and miserably at that. I was hoping that getting something out there might actually make me sleep for the first time in weeks but no. So as I cozied into bed and decided to read another short story by Philip K. Dick... strangely this story seemed to be very fitting for my emotional state right now, no not that I am going crazy like this is going to sound…

The story is called “The King of the Elves” is about a man who runs a gas station in a small town in Colorado. One cold and windy night a band of elves appear in at the station; lost b/c the trolls had disbanded them. The elf king is frail and sick from the storm they have been traveling though. The man invites them to come into his home, later that night the elf king dies and named the man as his successor. Of course he tells all of his friends; some think he is quite loony, hell I would too, others think he is doing it to drum up business. His best friend is quite worried about him with this new boastful claim. The elves return to the station to tell the man that he is needed to meet them that night as the trolls are trying to move into the elf territory before the new king can get settled. Reluctantly the man agrees to meet them on his best friend’s property by the “great oak tree” at moonset. Well his friend sees him out wondering his property and invites him in for coffee, then convinces him to go home and get some rest. As they step out of the house into the moonlight he sees something in his friend that he has never seen. He sees him stout, dirty, cold eyes, protruding jaw, and the smell of rot, mold, and mildew. A fight between the two ensues and soon the man is covered with trolls, shouts for help from his elfin league. The elves have triumphed over the trolls finding that the Great Troll has been defeated by the man. Now that the trolls have been defeated the man asks if he can return to his life at the gas station; reluctantly the elves agree to it. As he is walking back, he thinks about his old life and how run down it is. He turns around and returns to the group of elves and asks if he can remain their king; they are elated with his decision. Off they go with him as king of the elves.

Well the moral of this story that I think fits my life is I need to revamp some things. A few things I have been working on. Attitude changes and career modifications are two in progress. I would love to do a wardrobe revamp, but that isn’t economically feasible right now. But allowing myself to be toyed with, walked all over, and popping right back up as a friend is something that I can do. Like the man, returning to the gas station, I need to think about this return and give it up. Returning to what is comfortable, to the known, to the safe is what is easiest, but not necessarily what is needed. Funny thing is as I write this I am also surfing the net from time to time… to give myself some thinking time. And I came across my horoscope stating “All is fair in love and war, although the passion you're feeling for an unrequited love might not feel just. Embracing your passionate nature is a good thing, but don't lose yourself in your emotions right now. It's time to wake up from daydreams and value yourself enough to face reality. If someone doesn't value you as much as you value him or her, don't waste any more energy on the relationship. Get things back to being equal -- it's the only way you can find balance.” Strange… maybe it is time to cut some strings, to let go of the safe and make some bold steps. I need to find a place of appreciation, of value, and of equal energy. Balance.

abandonment issues

So tonight I am a bit angry.. yes, it could be said it is my own fault to some extent. But really, people, so called friends, seem to be more of a let down than anything lately. If I wanted to feel more wanted I guess I should have stayed in Texas. Dude, I would have felt more alone, but I would have my WA friends asking me to come home, or when you going to be home so at least I would feel missed. Yet, I have returned home, who knows for how long, we all know how much I don’t stay in one place anymore for advancement into my career; I am feeling a bit of abandonment since I have come home. I am deprived…err better said… in need of some social excursions. It is Saturday night and I am sitting here playin Legos Starwars II on Xbox 360 and watching shows recorded on the Replay tv this week. Thinking my friends were going to call me sometime this weekend to do something/hang out/ ANYTHING. Nope… even my “social coordinator” uhh.. hmmm… is out and about without calling me. I could have called more people, but I am the one who has comeback to a world that seems a bit odd to me. I don’t know everyone’s schedule anymore or even when they have plans that are routine now. Seriously, what the hell!!

Pivotal moment

So I have come to a place where I have to make some decisions and I have to start making them quickly. I have about a month in a half left here of my internship and I have decided what to do after that. I have been asked by people if I am going to try for a staff position. Of course I have to consider this very carefully. I have to decide what is going to make me happiest. Most people, who know me, know that I am not super happy in the middle of nowhere. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, moved to a big city and absolutely loved it, moved to an island with a big city and loved it even more, and now back into hick country.

At one point of friend of mine had asked me to stick around here for awhile before heading to where ever I end up next. I think that may be falling through so I really don’t know what to do. I will be done in mid October, my family would like me to be with them through Thanksgiving, but I have bills to pay and since I am making very minimal here, enough to cover food and gas. It may be darn impossible to go that long without have an income. I also fear that I still don’t have enough experience to find a job that I will like and that I can be self-supporting. I have been keeping my eyes open on websites for job listings, but it kind of feels like they are few and far between right now. I really don’t want to subject myself or my family to doing another internship. It is just damn hard.

So, where am I going to be the happiest? I really wish that I knew and it was as simple as snapping my fingers to get to that place. I love the Seattle area and all the friends that I have made, absolutely loved Hawaii and miss it a lot too. I should feel free right now to do and go wherever I want b/c I have nothing holding me back, no boyfriend, no family, and so on. The only roadblock would be financial stability, but doesn’t that play a factor in 90% of our lives.

I guess this is where I am going to plead with you, if you know of any jobs or anything that I would be interested in please let me know. We all know I have experience in a lot of different fields, but would love to stick to the animal field that I have worked so hard to get into. Thanks for keeping me in mind. Hugs to all. :)

You tell me

As I sit in the trailer, crappy one I might add, drinking a glass of water*. I am contemplating many obscure forces in the world. The first and most obscure is men... Seriously I just don't get it. I have so much I want my little hands, ha, to type but really that about sums it up "I just don't get it." If someone wants/needs/feels so incline to help me figure this out then please all intell would be greatly appreciated. I am just tired, and I mean dead tired of runarounds, not just from one source but from several. And just when I think I have figured things out, something spooks like a deer caught in your headlight; one that ends up getting hit and injured and ends up in our wildlife clinic. The problem is.. I can help fix that deer, but sorry I cannot fix you (being the male species). Try and try as I may there are just some things that I just cannot fix, and I have too many questions with empty answers that don't help the situation.
Second ponder point.. Common courtesy, where did it go? I was walking around at 7 am cussing up a storm b/c someone didn't have the decency to return courtesy offered to them. How do I know that they had such a courtesy? Well, b/c I was the one that had extended it the day before to make their life easier in there job. Yet, I go in this morning to do the same job and find out that I am missing many vital items for the day. Everyone knows how when things aren't done before you and you have to do twice the amount of work before you can even start puts you off for the rest of the day. So pls I ask all of you please bring back the idea of common courtesy into your lives.
While we are on the subjects of "commons" another boggling question is, where is common sense? I think somehow it has managed to fly to the moon or something b/c people are getting worse and worse about what the hell they be doing. I have so many illustrative points that I could interject here to get my point across, but unfortunately I have been told that if it has to do with work I cannot post it, as much as there are glaring things that everyone out there in the world would understand unless you are THAT person who lacks common sense. But, I do also want to add not all common sense issues are work related, many of you encounter them on an everyday basis from people shopping in stores, to people in clubs/bars, to someone just walking down the street. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
I do want to add something that has come into my mind lately. "Deception comes in ALL packages." Just keep that in mind.. it fits all three of these three things that I am pondering tonight as I sit here typing, the cats running rampant, and the dog snoring. First, well I don't have to explain the men deception b/c I just don't. I know as a man you are reading this going hey.. you women are just as bad, true, but you know you do it to, denial is the first step, acceptance the second. Women- you know exactly what I am talking about. Point two, well as it may appear someone is helping you out with a courtesy be weary of their intentions or is really going to be more work for you in the end. And lastly, people can be book smart but not street smart. That is the biggest deception of them all. I hope little ditty made think a bit and makes you think twice when go to speak, help someone, or god forbid, speak to the opposite sex.

*footnote I did just finish an orange juice-Malibu cocktail though.

alone or not alone???

You ever come into one of those situations where you feel like you want to/ need to be alone yet all you are is surrounded by people you can't get away from. Yet on the other hand you feel so alone that you have no one there for you all at the same time? Basically that is how I felt yeterday.. I can't tell you how I feel today as the day is just getting started. I think I will feel much more relieved today because of the fact that I have a day off and will not be surrounded by the people that I just don't want around. Although, I there is no way for me be near the people I wish to be near. So in that aspect I will just have to grow to accept that.
In all my stress and anxiety last night all I wanted was a hug or snuggles. *looks around* well that really isn't going to be happening. Sigh.. I don't know where I am going with this.. I cant think of an appropriate close, so I am just going to end with that.

Who's a dumba$$.. this girl

Well I have written 2 blogs this week and have been stupid enough to hit the back button instead of edit. So I don't want to waste time and completely rewrite both of them. I don't remeber what the first one is about, something about Austin getaways.. I do know that the second one was about how much I want to kill one of my roommates. It was a very wordy one that for some odd reason that I didn't ctrl +c it before I hit the preview button like I normally do for such cases but what can I do. If you have any questions let me know about how much I wrote about.. I am just exhausted from all the hassle.

uncensorted

Well there were no bulletins that caught my true interest today.. One that came pretty close, but still not enough to go through the effort. I sit here tonight after reading my friend bruce's blog and pondering where I am and what I am doing.

I know that I have been really vague on here about what is going on in my life, especially since I use to be the one who had to keep everyone updated on what is going on. I guess that is because right now I am in a place that even myself doesn't know what to think. In a few short days, Saturday, I will be moving AGAIN. This time to the smack dab middle of Texas to a little town called Kendalia. I am going to be part of the WRR (Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation) as an intern. Why you may ask??? Haha.. to tell you the truth I don't know. I was looking all over for internships and jobs to get myself into the animal field after the Hawaii internship ended. I even increased my search area to include Texas (never really had much interest in going there). A good friend of mine told me that it would be a good idea, "You will like it down there." Tell you the truth, I don't know how much I really believe him.

But again, I have been left with more questions than answers it seems; the time I was given to get down there has lead me into a rat race. Questions arise from others asking if I am excited. I have to tell them not really. I am not this spontaneous of a person at least when it comes to planning out my life. I sit here and in a way I just want to cry because I feel so disorganized.. with my packing... saying goodbyes... becoming attached to people again that I will walk away from again (like the 3rd time I have peaced out on this place)... I have to wonder is this time for good??? What is really leading me to this place I am going.. fate, God, my heart, my head, what????

In his blog my friend Bruce was contemplating things from last year to this with his passing Birthday yesterday.. making me think of the things I swore I would accomplish last year at my birthday to this year, which is just a few days away.. yet I look around, I sit in the same house, have the same job (again for a few more days), and emotionally, relationshipwise, self-esteem/confidence all feel so much weaker. This year seemed to be more a year of stepping back instead of forward. Yes, I know that I had many accomplishments, yet somethings that I hoped to be resolved haven't been. Some strong realizations have been made, but I don't know if I can believe them or trust in my decisions anymore.. One mistake (or heartbreaking thing) is I seem to always find attraction/love the people who don't share it in the same way. I can generally deal with this easily, but it gets harder and harder.. *laughs to self* you think it would easier being single, but sometimes it really isn't. I guess if I had a forward year maybe I would have the self-whatever I needed to be able to handle those run-ins.

I guess all I can do now is be positive that this will be a good year. Good things will happen. I will get to know myself better and what I want to do with myself when I am in Texas. If it is something that I want to persue there or somewhere else, than it will be good. If it isn't, then again I have at least not spent to much time and have gained more experience once again.
So, as I go forth I wish the best of luck, life, God speed, and fortune to you all. My thoughts and prayers are for all you. Please keep me close to your hearts and in your thoughts as well.
~xoxoxoxo~