dark skies.

I wrote the following last night when I couldn't sleep:

You ever have one of those days where you can't decide if its best to be around people (friends) or if you should just be by yourself? I think I have had about a week of those. Friends ask "what's going on?" or "how are you? and you freeze like a deer in the head lights not sure how to even answer.
A week of being on the verge of tears at the completely inappropriate times and then when you are at a place you cant even squeeze one lone tear out.I know I do become bummed by the holidays and travel home just seems to add more to it. I just wish I had an escape. An outlet-healthy one that is. Or even someone who understood me- God knows I don't.
So tonight I write laying in bed. I tried to cry but my eyes stayed dry. What I would give for just some relief from feeling broken and unable to be able to put myself back together again. I have been plagued by one strange thought lately-- I am standing at a crossroads, I just wish the bus would come along and hit me before I have to make a choice. Morbid, I know; emo, I know, but those are my masked feelings lately. Basically I hurt and no matter how much physical pain I put on myself (don't worry I am talking good physical pain- running, nothing more) it isn't enough to mask the emotional pain. Sad thing is, there has been no major reason or blight of said pain- just cumulative.
I'm trying to think of a way to close this heavy blog, but I just can't find one. I just hope there is some sunshine in my life tomorrow.


Well speaking from tomorrow stand point. Not much sunshine, just a lightening of the clouds at points, before the dark clouds moved back in. This week should be a dozy b/c of the amount of work I have to finish before I take off to SD for a week and a half.