The dream that haunts me

Okay so I am still perplexed by a dream I had on Monday morning. It seems kind of weird to share this but I just can’t make heads or tails of this, because it has sent my mind into a frenzy the past few days and really, REALLY would like it to stop. Maybe if I write it out, the mind-numbing fog will dissipate.

So this was shortly before I was to waking up that I had this dream. I had a dream that my ex had come to visit me, we were hanging out, we had fallen right back into the great friendship that we shared. There was a strange discussion about the holidays came up and talking about how he would have to divide them between three places, his family, my family (without me) (who lived in Seattle?), and me (on San Juan Island). I couldn’t tell you what the outcome was of this discussion, but my head it all felt weird at that time. We hugged and kissed, and I realized how much I missed his kisses (again very strange in the dream and in my mind now). We were driving around town to get his car in line to get on the ferry. But the town we were driving in wasn’t Friday Harbor it was Sturgis SD, and it was basically us driving on east on Sherman St. between the Catholic and Lutheran Churches and turned right to head south on Junction.??? Of course it was around 2 pm and the next ferry wasn’t until 4. The ferry schedule had a ferry leaving at 10 am and then not another until 4 pm. He was very angry with me that I was trying to hold him here, while he need to visit his mother, and I kept trying to explain that I didn’t make ferry schedule and it wasn’t my fault that he couldn’t leave right then and there.

At this point my alarm went off waking me from my slumber and into my fog. I have been in my head thinking about all my past relationships, the best kisser, the worst…yuck, and how each one has changed my life in some degree. Plus who I miss the most, which is what is driving me the battiest. I feel like booking a plane ticket it and saying fuck it, I have to do this, I need a vacation. But the sensible side of me is telling me, stop it. You can’t fix it, because you didn’t break it, don’t push. Plus you have 2 weeks worth of site interviews you need to get ready for, a work party to organize, animals to take care of, and just things to do here.

If you have stuck through this far, I am amazed. Thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully now I can get my mind back on a regular schedule.