Sleepless in Seattle

So last night’s blog was suppose to make me feel better; well let me tell you it failed, and miserably at that. I was hoping that getting something out there might actually make me sleep for the first time in weeks but no. So as I cozied into bed and decided to read another short story by Philip K. Dick... strangely this story seemed to be very fitting for my emotional state right now, no not that I am going crazy like this is going to sound…

The story is called “The King of the Elves” is about a man who runs a gas station in a small town in Colorado. One cold and windy night a band of elves appear in at the station; lost b/c the trolls had disbanded them. The elf king is frail and sick from the storm they have been traveling though. The man invites them to come into his home, later that night the elf king dies and named the man as his successor. Of course he tells all of his friends; some think he is quite loony, hell I would too, others think he is doing it to drum up business. His best friend is quite worried about him with this new boastful claim. The elves return to the station to tell the man that he is needed to meet them that night as the trolls are trying to move into the elf territory before the new king can get settled. Reluctantly the man agrees to meet them on his best friend’s property by the “great oak tree” at moonset. Well his friend sees him out wondering his property and invites him in for coffee, then convinces him to go home and get some rest. As they step out of the house into the moonlight he sees something in his friend that he has never seen. He sees him stout, dirty, cold eyes, protruding jaw, and the smell of rot, mold, and mildew. A fight between the two ensues and soon the man is covered with trolls, shouts for help from his elfin league. The elves have triumphed over the trolls finding that the Great Troll has been defeated by the man. Now that the trolls have been defeated the man asks if he can return to his life at the gas station; reluctantly the elves agree to it. As he is walking back, he thinks about his old life and how run down it is. He turns around and returns to the group of elves and asks if he can remain their king; they are elated with his decision. Off they go with him as king of the elves.

Well the moral of this story that I think fits my life is I need to revamp some things. A few things I have been working on. Attitude changes and career modifications are two in progress. I would love to do a wardrobe revamp, but that isn’t economically feasible right now. But allowing myself to be toyed with, walked all over, and popping right back up as a friend is something that I can do. Like the man, returning to the gas station, I need to think about this return and give it up. Returning to what is comfortable, to the known, to the safe is what is easiest, but not necessarily what is needed. Funny thing is as I write this I am also surfing the net from time to time… to give myself some thinking time. And I came across my horoscope stating “All is fair in love and war, although the passion you're feeling for an unrequited love might not feel just. Embracing your passionate nature is a good thing, but don't lose yourself in your emotions right now. It's time to wake up from daydreams and value yourself enough to face reality. If someone doesn't value you as much as you value him or her, don't waste any more energy on the relationship. Get things back to being equal -- it's the only way you can find balance.” Strange… maybe it is time to cut some strings, to let go of the safe and make some bold steps. I need to find a place of appreciation, of value, and of equal energy. Balance.