Heart in my hands

I lie in bed,
All cold & alone,
Unable to close my eyes.

My teeth are clinched,
My stomach aches,
But my eyes are dry as a bone.

I am filled with pain,
Anger reverberates in muscles,
Sadness occupies my brain.

My heart is in my hand,
My feelings on the floor,
All of me is disposable.

There is a reason I don't allow myself to feel the precursor,
Because this is always the aftermath,
My pain is overwhelming.

I fooled myself again,
Put it out on the line,
And I am the one being punished.

I cannot sleep,
I cannot eat,
I cannot even turn on the computer.

I call it done,
I will move on,
I have to.