Like a certain Train, I think I can, I think I can

So one of the things I feel that I need to do is actually write some upbeat blogs especially to start the New Year off. I have a tendency to just write about the shitty events or flip the events to the small minuscule shitty parts.

Now right now I don’t have to much positive to say, my arm and shoulder hurt from too much time sitting on my laptop in a la-z-boy which doesn’t lend itself to good ergo dynamics. My bad. But I do have things to be stoked about for NYE2K7 and in Double 0 7.

007 Brings Me:
§ Tony home on leave in Seattle a week b/f he returns to Iraq

§ Finally getting to the Piano Bar. I know it will happen I have faith.

§ Concentrating on landing that job, my mojo faded for a while and with
the holiday blahs- but I am back with full force.

§ I would love to insert working my ass off to work my ass off but
since my body generally rejects working out to do that. I will say
working my ass off to be healthier.

§ My best friend will finally be 21 (I know I have some major
fluctuations in ages of my friends) but trust me she is wise beyond her
years.

§ With that, there has been discussion of going to Vegas. I have never
been and really want to.

§ Hopefully more exploration of the Puget Sound area both above ground
and in the water itself. 5 years here and I still feel lost in
Seattle. I also love the aquatics around here ( I did study them after
all)

Aight kids I have a list to work on and get some more yummies made for tonight.

Oh yeah, something else to add. Finding a love interest who actually reciprocates the same feeling, I am tired of the one way street!

“When we live with an attitude that looks back over our lives with regrets and “if only’s” we rob ourselves of hope. We rob ourselves of the joy of God’s grace. “God has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hop that he will continue to deliver us.” 2 Corinthians 1:10”

Tis the season

What do you say when you get a gift so lavish, unexpected, or just plain exactly what you needed or wanted? When it feels like saying thank you a million plus times won’t cut it? When you sit in awe and tears fill your eyes?

Well this happened to me this week. I sat in my truck and balled, yes I cried, amazing huh? I have said thank you multiple times and would say it a million plus if needed. I even told this person I couldn’t accept it. But got, “Penny you need this, you will take it.” I now said person (we will call him John Doe) will read this blog and I will probably be reprimanded for doing so…. Naw… jk…

But still it makes me think back to all the perfectly timed gifts in my life and the givers. Mr. Doe has said he wasn’t putting a “price” on friendship, but to me it was an eye opener. I never felt that he had that much invested in this friendship. I don’t mean that in a negative way at all. I just never thought of myself that valued. Especially since I feel like I have been a complete waste of space for the past month. How sad do I feel now, it takes a much needed gift to put me back into the loop of, my friends do care. Wow as I write this now I get the strong feeling that all my antics lately looked like a big ploy or con, yet I was just venting feelings.

I do know that Mr. Doe wasn’t feeding into these feelings and he was being a true genuine friend. Other friends as of late have steered me in the right path as well and I want to thank them. Be it from recommending a DVD on metaphysical healing, to words of encouragement, words of God, or getting me out of the house and rut daily routine. Thank you! Each and every one of you.

I think I am coming around again, good old Penny, ready to start the new year with a list of resolutions, hopefully not broken in the first few days, but I have a good support system to keep me on track.

Once again thank you everyone especially Mr. John Doe. I can never ever show enough thanks. Someday I will get you back when you need/want something. And for those of you who think msg me to get who Doe is and the gift… don’t even think about it. If he wants to let you all know he is more than welcome too.

“Which of you fathers, if your son asked for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:11-13

and the punch line is....

A writer, a federal agent, a runner, 5 comp sci guys, and a zoologist sit around a table... Does anyone hear a good or bad joke. No, I hear a table of interesting poker talk. Especially as wacky as this group is. Hell put a little alcohol in us and we get down right silly. Aww Christmas what else is it besides being thousands of miles from your family and being with the ones you truly love, your friends.

Rather enjoyable, I made attempt to win back the money I lost the other night at poker, but once again it wasn't in the cards for me. It must be the fact that we had 4 different decks circling the table, everyone using the decks they had received for Christmas, including mine- a marine life deck with a different pic on each of the cards (of course the numeric side not the back). It was fun to look at the exciting animals, but then sometimes I would forget about the poker aspect. After poker we made a mad dash from West Seattle to Bellevue to make it to a movie. We did make it on time, but as everyone leaves their house for one of the only gathering places open on Christmas, the show was sold out. Well what next?? We all headed up the road to Kirkland to chill at our other friends house. Watching them open their Christmas presents, as much as they felt bad about it, but I enjoy watching people open gifts! One gift was Pictionary.. ohh challenge for the gaming world. Loads of fun.. Richelle has talked a bit about it in her blog.

Another topic of interest that night was the Burger King xbox games.. Which I was on the search to find tomorrow. The only place on the east side area from what I am told that still has Sneak King. My own Burger king in North Bend. So I was told yesterday I was making a run for the game. Which I did, got one for the Ott Clan and one for my brother. We will see, watching the game play online was pretty hilarious.

Not much else to say at the moment. I was hoping I would have oodles and oodles, but not so much.

0-six in retro

Album of the Year: Roger Creager.. a comp album from a great new friend from WRR :) TY Hayley

Best Read: Succubus Blues by Richelle Mead. You really should get it when it comes out until February

Most Existential Experience: watching an animal overcoming hardships and being released.

Most Difficult Experience: 6 months at WRR.. lack of communication, lack of social environment, being so far away from family and friends

Most Emotional Moment: Strange, 2 seperate. booking my flight home from Hawaii, realizing that I couldn't live in paradise at the moment and the other REALLY strange, but getting into my car and driving up 281 leaving WRR, a dreaded where is my life going next.

Biggest Lowpoint: awww both times I came back to North Bend, horrified by not knowing where I will be going next and having to believe the man upstairs has some grand plan

Proudest Moment: Another strange event.... getting complimented on my work by Angela and Lynn

Most Redemptive Moment: being able to walk down the 4th st steps in Austin w/o falling down. Yeah I know it is small but that is about as good as it got for me this year

Most Blissful Experience: sitting on the back of a golf cart in the pitch black of nowhere Texas, watching the stars and listening to lions roaring, coyotes and wolves howling

Most Humbling Moment: hand feeding a head trama screech owl every hour to have him die in your hands. Life is small and precious. This could be said when any of "my" animals dies. The pygmy goat, Jacob's sheep, the parvo coons, the bobkittens, the fox, the barbado lamb.

Most Awaited Moment: landing that job
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other worthwhile things to add to this blog. Played poker tonight, didn't do so hot. I kinda had that feeling going in, that it wasn't going to be my night, but you still have to try. After poker we got wrapped up in some wacky hands of Uno... on that lasted an hour and had to break out a second deck of cards b/c of how many cards people where holding. Craziness. Hopefully soon I will have something more with more content to post. It has been slow for me. With the crazy weather and the 113.5 hours without power I had to resort to other things to keep me busy. I have completed another set of holiday painting plasters. and then have also done 2 detailed 8x10 dolphin paintings. Not really in the holiday mood, with only half of the decorations ever put up.

The job search is still looming, working on applications as I can. Postings have slowed down abit b/c of the holidays but that doesn't keep me from trying and continuing to look. Hopefully something soon, that is all I really want for christmas. :)

awww.... WhAtEvA

I really want to quit dogging on the weather, but it is seriously starting to piss me off. This Monsoon type rains and wind is just flat out annoying for many reason. The first and most important is it screwed up my plans on going out tonight. As I was just getting ready to get on interstate my friend called me and said abort mission, Seattle is flooded, water over the roadways, major roads closed, and even though I have a truck that will part the seas, we did not want to look like drowned rats when we entered the venue we were planned to attend. :(

Other things that make this weather get me down:

° Power flickers, outages, and brownouts
° My brother deciding that the weather is a good reason to stay home and play WoW all day
° The inability to want to go outside and put up the christmas lights
° Wanting to just curl up, watch tv, drink hot drinks, and eat cookies (yeah sounds okay, and
then you think about your waistline or your thighs)
° The cold reaking havic on my skin/hair.

Okay I will let you get back to actual life instead of me being angry!!

Global Warming my butt

So.. about this global warming thing.. you wouldn't know that by the weather we are having.... record colds tonight, more snow in the forecast for tomorrow. When will it end? Seriously, I have made the choice to stay at home for most days, just b/c I really don't want to spend any money that I don't have. But now, that I am told it is safer to stay home, that OTHER people out there don't know how to drive in this, plus you think Washington would make their roads winter traversable. NOPE. And when I do venture out (was in a strong need food) I encountered "mountain men", ohh scarrrryy, and 3/4 of the people were just pissy. Hell, sorry that the snow disrupted your work week. Must be rough to have a job that makes you money and then getting a "snow day" as a break. Oh, well there I go again, being dark and bitter. Alrighty folks. I really don't care what they say the weather is I am going to get out of the house before I go ballistic!!

Week of the crazies

We, as most people know, are having some pretty wacky weather. It started with having the wetest November in recorded history by the middle of the month. And then having a phenomenial lighting storm just before Thanksgiving...

Now we are having some crazy snow. Tonight the first Monday Night Football game that the Seahawks have ever played in snow (at home). I keep hearing from people about how slick it is, how miserable the travel is. Well I think I may have to find out about that and go out for a nice fun drive tomorrow. I know what you are already saying, "but Penny you have 4 wheel drive." Ha.. like I would use it.

Okay kids.. I am going to run, OBTW the photos I have used are from komotv.com. Please check out more of their photos from the winter weather. at http://komotv.com/weather/photos

Would you handle it/acted differently

So this is another post for my Seattle friends... so if you are reading it most of it won't pertain to you, but feel free to continue the blog... it may amuse you or make you think.
So late last week I got a phone call from one of the applications that I had sent in, telling me that they had filled their position, but would forward my application onto another department if that was okay with me. I got an email late that evening and did a phone interview the very next day. They said that they should be back to me on Friday since I would be expected to be in Hawaii on Wednesday Nov 29... Wow... craziness...
This may explain my high-strung previous postings. Basically it was hitting me... dude, I really don't know how much time I have back with my friends and yet it feels like they really don't care that I am back. I had to think about when I was gone, most contact was by me... but then again when I was working 60-70 hours a week and had shitty cell service it pretty much had to be me. I just feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, disoriented, as I am every time I disappear from here for awhile, fighting myself and the world all at once, and starting over. Everyone around me has moved ahead with their lives in the 6 months I was going, but in returning, I feel like I am picking up right where I was when I left. Hard, very hard, to comprehend just exactly how or what I am feeling, but I am trying to as best I can.
Basically bringing me to the subject line... how would you handle this differently... to being disoriented, going through severe culture shock from being with animals 24-7 in butthole, tx… to being back among society. Any thoughts?? Feel free to share; you don't need to tell me how nuts I am, what kind of medication I must be on or should be put on, or something completely irrelevant, mean, or just plain rude.. I will delete it; you can count on that... knowing my uneventful life at this moment probably almost immediately.

In other news.. check out this link to a crazy photo taken today in Seattle. Wamu building in center, Space needle to the right.http://www.komotv.com/weather/photos/4712076.html?t=a

Sleepless in Seattle

So last night’s blog was suppose to make me feel better; well let me tell you it failed, and miserably at that. I was hoping that getting something out there might actually make me sleep for the first time in weeks but no. So as I cozied into bed and decided to read another short story by Philip K. Dick... strangely this story seemed to be very fitting for my emotional state right now, no not that I am going crazy like this is going to sound…

The story is called “The King of the Elves” is about a man who runs a gas station in a small town in Colorado. One cold and windy night a band of elves appear in at the station; lost b/c the trolls had disbanded them. The elf king is frail and sick from the storm they have been traveling though. The man invites them to come into his home, later that night the elf king dies and named the man as his successor. Of course he tells all of his friends; some think he is quite loony, hell I would too, others think he is doing it to drum up business. His best friend is quite worried about him with this new boastful claim. The elves return to the station to tell the man that he is needed to meet them that night as the trolls are trying to move into the elf territory before the new king can get settled. Reluctantly the man agrees to meet them on his best friend’s property by the “great oak tree” at moonset. Well his friend sees him out wondering his property and invites him in for coffee, then convinces him to go home and get some rest. As they step out of the house into the moonlight he sees something in his friend that he has never seen. He sees him stout, dirty, cold eyes, protruding jaw, and the smell of rot, mold, and mildew. A fight between the two ensues and soon the man is covered with trolls, shouts for help from his elfin league. The elves have triumphed over the trolls finding that the Great Troll has been defeated by the man. Now that the trolls have been defeated the man asks if he can return to his life at the gas station; reluctantly the elves agree to it. As he is walking back, he thinks about his old life and how run down it is. He turns around and returns to the group of elves and asks if he can remain their king; they are elated with his decision. Off they go with him as king of the elves.

Well the moral of this story that I think fits my life is I need to revamp some things. A few things I have been working on. Attitude changes and career modifications are two in progress. I would love to do a wardrobe revamp, but that isn’t economically feasible right now. But allowing myself to be toyed with, walked all over, and popping right back up as a friend is something that I can do. Like the man, returning to the gas station, I need to think about this return and give it up. Returning to what is comfortable, to the known, to the safe is what is easiest, but not necessarily what is needed. Funny thing is as I write this I am also surfing the net from time to time… to give myself some thinking time. And I came across my horoscope stating “All is fair in love and war, although the passion you're feeling for an unrequited love might not feel just. Embracing your passionate nature is a good thing, but don't lose yourself in your emotions right now. It's time to wake up from daydreams and value yourself enough to face reality. If someone doesn't value you as much as you value him or her, don't waste any more energy on the relationship. Get things back to being equal -- it's the only way you can find balance.” Strange… maybe it is time to cut some strings, to let go of the safe and make some bold steps. I need to find a place of appreciation, of value, and of equal energy. Balance.

abandonment issues

So tonight I am a bit angry.. yes, it could be said it is my own fault to some extent. But really, people, so called friends, seem to be more of a let down than anything lately. If I wanted to feel more wanted I guess I should have stayed in Texas. Dude, I would have felt more alone, but I would have my WA friends asking me to come home, or when you going to be home so at least I would feel missed. Yet, I have returned home, who knows for how long, we all know how much I don’t stay in one place anymore for advancement into my career; I am feeling a bit of abandonment since I have come home. I am deprived…err better said… in need of some social excursions. It is Saturday night and I am sitting here playin Legos Starwars II on Xbox 360 and watching shows recorded on the Replay tv this week. Thinking my friends were going to call me sometime this weekend to do something/hang out/ ANYTHING. Nope… even my “social coordinator” uhh.. hmmm… is out and about without calling me. I could have called more people, but I am the one who has comeback to a world that seems a bit odd to me. I don’t know everyone’s schedule anymore or even when they have plans that are routine now. Seriously, what the hell!!

Pivotal moment

So I have come to a place where I have to make some decisions and I have to start making them quickly. I have about a month in a half left here of my internship and I have decided what to do after that. I have been asked by people if I am going to try for a staff position. Of course I have to consider this very carefully. I have to decide what is going to make me happiest. Most people, who know me, know that I am not super happy in the middle of nowhere. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, moved to a big city and absolutely loved it, moved to an island with a big city and loved it even more, and now back into hick country.

At one point of friend of mine had asked me to stick around here for awhile before heading to where ever I end up next. I think that may be falling through so I really don’t know what to do. I will be done in mid October, my family would like me to be with them through Thanksgiving, but I have bills to pay and since I am making very minimal here, enough to cover food and gas. It may be darn impossible to go that long without have an income. I also fear that I still don’t have enough experience to find a job that I will like and that I can be self-supporting. I have been keeping my eyes open on websites for job listings, but it kind of feels like they are few and far between right now. I really don’t want to subject myself or my family to doing another internship. It is just damn hard.

So, where am I going to be the happiest? I really wish that I knew and it was as simple as snapping my fingers to get to that place. I love the Seattle area and all the friends that I have made, absolutely loved Hawaii and miss it a lot too. I should feel free right now to do and go wherever I want b/c I have nothing holding me back, no boyfriend, no family, and so on. The only roadblock would be financial stability, but doesn’t that play a factor in 90% of our lives.

I guess this is where I am going to plead with you, if you know of any jobs or anything that I would be interested in please let me know. We all know I have experience in a lot of different fields, but would love to stick to the animal field that I have worked so hard to get into. Thanks for keeping me in mind. Hugs to all. :)

You tell me

As I sit in the trailer, crappy one I might add, drinking a glass of water*. I am contemplating many obscure forces in the world. The first and most obscure is men... Seriously I just don't get it. I have so much I want my little hands, ha, to type but really that about sums it up "I just don't get it." If someone wants/needs/feels so incline to help me figure this out then please all intell would be greatly appreciated. I am just tired, and I mean dead tired of runarounds, not just from one source but from several. And just when I think I have figured things out, something spooks like a deer caught in your headlight; one that ends up getting hit and injured and ends up in our wildlife clinic. The problem is.. I can help fix that deer, but sorry I cannot fix you (being the male species). Try and try as I may there are just some things that I just cannot fix, and I have too many questions with empty answers that don't help the situation.
Second ponder point.. Common courtesy, where did it go? I was walking around at 7 am cussing up a storm b/c someone didn't have the decency to return courtesy offered to them. How do I know that they had such a courtesy? Well, b/c I was the one that had extended it the day before to make their life easier in there job. Yet, I go in this morning to do the same job and find out that I am missing many vital items for the day. Everyone knows how when things aren't done before you and you have to do twice the amount of work before you can even start puts you off for the rest of the day. So pls I ask all of you please bring back the idea of common courtesy into your lives.
While we are on the subjects of "commons" another boggling question is, where is common sense? I think somehow it has managed to fly to the moon or something b/c people are getting worse and worse about what the hell they be doing. I have so many illustrative points that I could interject here to get my point across, but unfortunately I have been told that if it has to do with work I cannot post it, as much as there are glaring things that everyone out there in the world would understand unless you are THAT person who lacks common sense. But, I do also want to add not all common sense issues are work related, many of you encounter them on an everyday basis from people shopping in stores, to people in clubs/bars, to someone just walking down the street. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
I do want to add something that has come into my mind lately. "Deception comes in ALL packages." Just keep that in mind.. it fits all three of these three things that I am pondering tonight as I sit here typing, the cats running rampant, and the dog snoring. First, well I don't have to explain the men deception b/c I just don't. I know as a man you are reading this going hey.. you women are just as bad, true, but you know you do it to, denial is the first step, acceptance the second. Women- you know exactly what I am talking about. Point two, well as it may appear someone is helping you out with a courtesy be weary of their intentions or is really going to be more work for you in the end. And lastly, people can be book smart but not street smart. That is the biggest deception of them all. I hope little ditty made think a bit and makes you think twice when go to speak, help someone, or god forbid, speak to the opposite sex.

*footnote I did just finish an orange juice-Malibu cocktail though.

alone or not alone???

You ever come into one of those situations where you feel like you want to/ need to be alone yet all you are is surrounded by people you can't get away from. Yet on the other hand you feel so alone that you have no one there for you all at the same time? Basically that is how I felt yeterday.. I can't tell you how I feel today as the day is just getting started. I think I will feel much more relieved today because of the fact that I have a day off and will not be surrounded by the people that I just don't want around. Although, I there is no way for me be near the people I wish to be near. So in that aspect I will just have to grow to accept that.
In all my stress and anxiety last night all I wanted was a hug or snuggles. *looks around* well that really isn't going to be happening. Sigh.. I don't know where I am going with this.. I cant think of an appropriate close, so I am just going to end with that.

Who's a dumba$$.. this girl

Well I have written 2 blogs this week and have been stupid enough to hit the back button instead of edit. So I don't want to waste time and completely rewrite both of them. I don't remeber what the first one is about, something about Austin getaways.. I do know that the second one was about how much I want to kill one of my roommates. It was a very wordy one that for some odd reason that I didn't ctrl +c it before I hit the preview button like I normally do for such cases but what can I do. If you have any questions let me know about how much I wrote about.. I am just exhausted from all the hassle.

uncensorted

Well there were no bulletins that caught my true interest today.. One that came pretty close, but still not enough to go through the effort. I sit here tonight after reading my friend bruce's blog and pondering where I am and what I am doing.

I know that I have been really vague on here about what is going on in my life, especially since I use to be the one who had to keep everyone updated on what is going on. I guess that is because right now I am in a place that even myself doesn't know what to think. In a few short days, Saturday, I will be moving AGAIN. This time to the smack dab middle of Texas to a little town called Kendalia. I am going to be part of the WRR (Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation) as an intern. Why you may ask??? Haha.. to tell you the truth I don't know. I was looking all over for internships and jobs to get myself into the animal field after the Hawaii internship ended. I even increased my search area to include Texas (never really had much interest in going there). A good friend of mine told me that it would be a good idea, "You will like it down there." Tell you the truth, I don't know how much I really believe him.

But again, I have been left with more questions than answers it seems; the time I was given to get down there has lead me into a rat race. Questions arise from others asking if I am excited. I have to tell them not really. I am not this spontaneous of a person at least when it comes to planning out my life. I sit here and in a way I just want to cry because I feel so disorganized.. with my packing... saying goodbyes... becoming attached to people again that I will walk away from again (like the 3rd time I have peaced out on this place)... I have to wonder is this time for good??? What is really leading me to this place I am going.. fate, God, my heart, my head, what????

In his blog my friend Bruce was contemplating things from last year to this with his passing Birthday yesterday.. making me think of the things I swore I would accomplish last year at my birthday to this year, which is just a few days away.. yet I look around, I sit in the same house, have the same job (again for a few more days), and emotionally, relationshipwise, self-esteem/confidence all feel so much weaker. This year seemed to be more a year of stepping back instead of forward. Yes, I know that I had many accomplishments, yet somethings that I hoped to be resolved haven't been. Some strong realizations have been made, but I don't know if I can believe them or trust in my decisions anymore.. One mistake (or heartbreaking thing) is I seem to always find attraction/love the people who don't share it in the same way. I can generally deal with this easily, but it gets harder and harder.. *laughs to self* you think it would easier being single, but sometimes it really isn't. I guess if I had a forward year maybe I would have the self-whatever I needed to be able to handle those run-ins.

I guess all I can do now is be positive that this will be a good year. Good things will happen. I will get to know myself better and what I want to do with myself when I am in Texas. If it is something that I want to persue there or somewhere else, than it will be good. If it isn't, then again I have at least not spent to much time and have gained more experience once again.
So, as I go forth I wish the best of luck, life, God speed, and fortune to you all. My thoughts and prayers are for all you. Please keep me close to your hearts and in your thoughts as well.
~xoxoxoxo~

tell me how you truely feel

I have created a johari block.. a simple task of picking 5 or 6 words that you feel describe me, that right folks, go a head a judge me (you already know I did so pretty harshly b/c...that's just me)! Click here for the most excitement on myspace and your words count. Work every angle, think things over, let me know what you see. Hey you will have loads of fun and can even create your own when you are done. If you find a word that describes me better and you have already choosen 6; don't fret you can simply click a word again to unchose it. Okay wrapping this up, I finally got my 4 boxes in the mail from when I moved back from Hawaii, so I best go unpack those and see set up all my missing treasures once again.
Shoots

face to face with happiness

It is something that I have been pondering, and have been very distrot about where I was going. Now this story kind of has an odd beginning because my "happiness" was realized as I was taking my garbage out tonight. I know, I know, sounds a bit strange, but I looked up at the stars. I felt a sense of relief because I was/am where I am suppose to be right now. When I first arrived in Hawai'i I had a difficult time. All I wanted to do for the first few days/weeks was to get my bearings by the stars. It was harder than I thought it would be. But once I had located things I felt better, yet I still felt a bit unsettled. Being home less than a week and to look up and know exactly where things are I feel happiness. I know that there are many paths ahead of me and most will take me away from here again, but for this moment there is a relief/happiness that has washed over me. The world is out there and I feel that I am now ready to attack it.

heartbreake

It is strange the different level of heartbreak you can go through. As well as the least expected source of heartbreak. By this I mean who it can actually hurt to miss the most. This only comes to me as I am thinking about people I am missing, but who I have returned too that I have been away from for quite awhile, people that I left in Hawaii, and also people who haven't been in my life for year (s). The emotions that the human soul evokes at points of weakness can be frightening. And again, it could be the the person that you thought would be the easiest to walk away from, and yet, there are others when you say goodbye it is as if the tone is "hey, I'll see you tomorrow". It is going to be a readjustment period and of course definate reasons to return places, but the fear that they will slip far enough away that it will no longer bother me that it has been x-number of months since we have spoken or even sent just a quick note over the internet. The world has made it so easy to keep in touch, yet we make it so hard to keep communication going. Just another notch in the heartbreak wall that we raise.

Sorry for the deep thought, but it is/was something that I am especially like I was going through.

Keep it real and keep in touch.

Well I made it

As surreal as it felt I am back in Seattle. Picked up my luggage and made the journey home to North Bend. Just to be greeted by massive amounts of mail, and dishes. I thought about it this morning I should have taken before pictures I started to clean and after I even just picked up a bit. Took me 2 hours to sort through mail, note: it wasn't even all my mail. I then proceeded to start on dishes, 90% of the dishes in the house were dirty, but unfortunately the power when out. How great is it to return to cold weather and RAIN. What was I thinking. I can't complain about the house too much my bro hasn't been able to take care of it like he could b/c he has been sick. So I have unpacked, taken care of mail, and started on dishes. Just wanted to let ya'll know that I am home safely. I already miss Hawaii though.

There is no Steve like Skooba Steve

Current mood: thoughtful


So logging onto the mind control unit of myspace, I noticed someone had a blog named Scuba Steeeve. I would say I got a bit mad and sad all at the same time, because, as everyone from the 808 knows there is only one Scuba Steve. He is a rock star of the reef.

I can only say so much about this guy, (I wish I could say more and infact did, but of course my internet crashed and erased all the good stuff I had on here. So here I am trying to sum it up as much as I can. Steve "hey that is my new pic for my myspace", "motorboatin' son of a bitch", who doesn't even have a myspace. States he will get one once he knows how to spell computer. Oh Steve at least we will always have Dave & Buster's.

again click on pics for a larger photo

How much Bullsh@* can I person deal with

how much Bullsh@* can I person deal with
Current mood: angry


Right now I feel like I want to die. I don't care by what means I just want it all be over with. I know this comes across as sounding petty but I really F***ing hate my roommate right now. By a supposedly "miscommunication" no one even asked me about going camping tonight having fun on the beach. No instead they take off with out me once again. This hasn't been the first time since I wasn't hired by the park. I have been ostracized for well over a week now. I pretty much am a hobbit in my little hole in the wall room that I have (and I do mean little). Supposedly it isn't just me that is having a rough time. Hello, I am the one who is 26 just gave up 6 months of my life, to be rejected by the place that I would love to work, have everyone at the park that I hung out with leave (because the internship is over) or completely forget about me b/c I am not worthy anymore, not even receive a thank you of some kind for all the effort put in, being 26 and still not anywhere close to where I should be career wise, and be sitting all alone in this house b/c of "miscommunication". HAHA

I know this is coming out all bitchy and probably very in concise, but right now I have a bunch of pent up anger, rage, and sorrow that are busting the seams of me right now.

So, I sit here and just having the feeling of wanting to come home more than ever. I keep feeling like it isn't worth it for me to stay here get a small time job and try to reapply at the park in a couple of months. If I did reapply I could do it from Seattle. It isn't like I need to be here to send in a resume. It would mean me finding a new place to live, but whatever. WHY DOES LIFE SUCK SO MUCH??

Another phenomenal day in Hawaii

I had another outrageous day in Hawaii. It started with getting up well before the sun did, I felt like I was back in Seattle getting ready to go to work b/c of how early it was (5:30 am). After not being able to sleep well the night before, I just switched rooms, have a new bed, and have been lounging around for a few days reading in bed; it finally caught up with me. But back to the main point of this blog. So on the road at 6 am with one of my roomies (his last day at the house) we headed out to meet with another ex-intern. We pick her up in Pearl City and head out for Wai'anae (it is pretty much as far away as you can get from Hawai'i Kai and through rush hour traffic even). Shortly after 7:30 (oops we were suppose to be there at 7:30) we arrive at the boat dock with gear in hand to go diving!!! Again all I can say is it was amazing. Everything was picture perfect. The weather, outstanding, the sights great, snacks and beverages superb! The first dive was a 90 ft sunken Mine Layer called the Mahi. It was sunk in 1982 to be an artificial reef. I can say that it has succeeded. We saw so much coral. Also so an some beautiful fish, Eagle rays just hovering in the current, some Nudibranchs (I was soo excited on the inside), Urchins, and a well hidden frogfish. The visibility was excellent (compared to my good old puget sound). After surfacing we headed toward the second sight on the boat. Along the way we got a special treat by seeing Humpback whales spouting, fluke slapping, and we even got the amazing (sorry for the overuse of that word) privilege of getting to see one of the large beast breaching. We could see the complete chest and the entire pectoral fin clear the water before he/she came crashing down. WOW!!! The second dive to me seemed unneeded after such great things already, but life just got better at Papio Place. We could actually here the whales between breaths, again an huge range of fish. Puffers, triggerfish, surgeons, convict fish, trumpet fish, more nudies, urchins, and a grand palette of coral. Some got lucky enough to see a taco (octopus) unfortunately I missed that. I am so excited and ready for my next expedition (I can't believe I waited this long to go diving here, I hope to set up another trip shortly after I get a job and am making some money).

WHAT A TRIP

Okay so this will be hard for a lot of you to believe, and it is understandable. Yesterday I did something that I have wanted to do for a long time; I jumped out of a perfectly good plane. That is right folks, I went skydiving. It was an awesome rush. My tandem guide said it was the best thing you can do with clothes on, I think I agree. It was literally like I was jumping into an aerial view photo of O'ahu's north shore. There is no concept of how far you exactly are from the ground, 14,000 ft was jump point, and we free fell for a minute. How exhilarating was that. I will let you know it wasn't all fun and games, I have bruising in places that aren't so fun (much like when I slipped and fell on the gate at work)and my contacts blew out of my eyes. BUT it was all worth it and I suggest you too try it.

I will be updating my photos on yahoo sometime today and tomorrow, b/c I have over 90 photos to add from the last few days at the park and the last few days with the new great friends that I have made. I just want to let all of them know that they have made a huge impact in my life and I will never forget them!! *sniffle, sniffle*

Check out some photos from my landing, click on for a larger view!!


Me upon landing approach With Range


Jess and me after our death defying event

The friendship quiz that is scary

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Marie is your soulmate.

You truly love Gloria.

You consider Maceo your true friend.

You know that Eric is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Casey for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Devon is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Ryan is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Katey is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Katey changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Louis is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Louis has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?